I decided to do a small proving of a Cerium compound because I often find myself giving way too easily, which is a strong characteristic of the remedies on the Left Side of the Lanthanide and Gold series.
Right after taking the remedy the Sensation was that I didn't want anyone to come near me or touch me in any way. Like it would be a violation of my privacy. Didnt even want eye contact, not shy, more a feeling of "KEEP OFF - I don't want to share what I'm feeling with you, you wouldn't understand it anyway. I don't care for your opinion."
It was a bit like the sensation of being in a Bell Jar describe by Dr. Scholten. I could also compare it to Thuja's feeling of being fragile or made out of glass. It's a sensitive almost clairvoyant state, but I would describe it as reverse clairvoyance - reverse because its unwanted.
On the second day I the Flouratum aspects of this extra aware, sensitive state came to the fore ... it felt enlivening, a bit like Sepia . I started to enjoy it, especially with people I know. I felt more compassionate and giving.
(Themes: Transparency. Acceptance. Warmth. Sexual)
On the third day I have a feeling of not being very competant. I'm not quite as sure of myself as usual. I dont normally trust anyone's experience but now my arrogance has dissipated. I'm starting to listen to what people say and take them seriously ... its as if i'v lost my bearings and need guidance from outside. Its a worrying, scary feeling.
(Theme: Boundary, Self-doubt)
On the last day I realise that the boundary is a problem of non-communication. I normally blame myself for not elucidating my point properly, but now I blame them more for not being on the ball. It feels like I'v got something in perspective.. the balance of mis-communiction ie. your fault or my fault? Not blaming myself anymore. Calmly feel that i'm standing my ground. At the same time if realize that I'v lost my usual cynical defenses. I'm feeling rather powerless.
(Theme: Boundary. Powerlessness)
Summary
The remedy was not a great personal success. I found myself giving way more than ever! Cerium seems to have a profound lack of confidence and it seems to have a need to be left alone. Its a feeling of being delicate and fragile - not wanting to be put upon. It feels as it the Flouratum forces the emphasis towards the sexual sphere. Together Cerium + Flouratum create a feeling of being smaller (Cerium), different (Flouratum) and on the edge (Lanthanides have a feeling of being a unique individual)
Conclusions
Ultimately we create our own barriers or walls, because we want protect ourselves from change. We want a safe haven, a resting place where the currents of change can't harm us. But life is impermanant and ever-changing. In the Cerium experience my barriers seemed to fall away a little and engender a feeling of transparency.
Cerium is already known as a very withdrawn and autistic remedy. The feeling is that other people are too insensitive to be worth talking to.
To Cerium individuals it seems that you just cant win so its better to withdraw. Everyone takes on the aspect of an abusive alcoholic father.
We can go into a state rather like Cerium when we try something new - when everything seems new and unfamilar our boundaries are open, our senses are on high alert and we are flooded with impressions.
We can begin to feel quite small and insignificant.
If we dont get over this feeling Cerium will help.
Situation: Relocation. A new Job. A shy child at a new school (Cerium Phos). Cerium Phos is one of those Lanthanide combinations that produce a double impact ... In this case the impact is on boundaries.
I have also seen this lack of boundaries at festivals. There can be an initial sense of euphoria, but it can easily change.
It can also happen in spiritual communities... we loose oursleves in the ethos or the teachings.
Further Reflections - like cures like?
A remedy that is known for withdrawal and lack of confidence does not always cure a lack of confidence. Cerium is very much on the back foot - she really doesnt feel the need to overcome anything, the strategy is to withdraw, so the confidence to overcome challenges isn't the main issue at this stage.
Is the solution to go "allopathic" and give a remedy that is known for it extemes of confidence ... like Samarium, which is well know for its challenging nature? In fact, even if the subject has a challenging nature, the external challenge can be so HUGE that they can feel a lack of confidence.
The resonance of "like cures like" is in the subjects strategy towards handling the challenge. To thrive Samarium has to make the challenge ...
The essence of Samarium is:
"I feel self-confident and assertive. The sensation is that I am who I am. I WILL prevail."
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