Thuja - Voice Dialogue

Thuja - expressed through the Voice Dialogue method.

These are descriptions of the inner voices of Thuja derived from the bare Rubrics. The layout is the same as in the article on Genpo's Buddhist voices, using the same Lanthanide qualities (Autonomy, Power, etc), so you can easily see how how each line of spiritual aspiration is affected in a Thuja case.

The Autonomous Self

• The Integrated Self - I'm not so glad to be here. I'm angry and abusive. I'm not in harmony. I can be too religious because I feel empty inside.
  
• Big Mind - I am the dark side of emptiness. The universe is cold and deep.
  
• Big Heart - I am empty too! I'v no friends. I dont really care about my family anymore. Am I so bad? I feel like a criminal.
  

The Powerful Self

• The Protector - My job is to protect the Self from harm, but I feel separated from the world. Sometimes it feels like I'm at war!
  
• The Master - I'm the one who's really the boss, but I feel double, as if my soul is separate from my body. It feels like the Gurus and Religions are trying to exert some sort of influence over me. I wish I could get it out of my head. Jung is safer for me than the religious texts.
  

The Controlling Self

• The Controller - My mind is chaotic. I'm industrious and I have a strong sense of duty. I'm impatient and anxious and I don't want to loose control. I want to feel poweful. I can be dictatorial.
  

The Searching Self

• The Seeker - I'm Eros and I'm here to satisfy desire. I'm amorous. I'm normally insatiable but now I feel disgusted with everything. Its just an empty act.
  
• The Mind that seeks the Way - I'm Ethos. I'm seeking too, but its the truth I seek. I want peace and joy, but I just feel spaced-out. I get some strange ideas! I'm extreemly discontented. I feel like an outcast.
  
• The Vunerable Child - I'm Pathos, I should be curious and free but my boundaries are fragile. I'm hysterical and impressionable. I try to please others but I'm easily offended and I feel unappreciated and even neglected.
  

The Reflective Self

• The Voice of the Dualistic Mind - I'm the analyist. The Logos. I see things in terms of good and evil, attraction and repusion. I'm very analytical. I'm a bit obsessional. I reproach myself and I'm full of loathing.
  

The Shadow Self

• The Damaged Self - I'm over-sensitive. I hate contradiction. I dwell on things that upset me. I'm always worrying about trifling things. I'm dishonest, secretive and manipulative. I'm afriad of strangers, of their opinions, because I feel worthless.
  
• The Skeptic - I'm sceptical about doctors. I'm sceptical about my own abilities. Everything I do is wrong!
  
• The Shadow - I keep thinking about death. In my dreams my companions are the dead. It is as they had come back from the Micmac Burial Ground in Stephen Kings Pet Cemetary and don't know it. The beans I am sprouting in my kitchen come to life, just like the cat in the book, they are my responsibility, so I have to decide what to do. Should I kill them? I can't. Life is too precious.
  

Thuja is particularly appropriate in this context because the delusion of fragility can arise from an awareness of mortality ...

Liberating Prayer

My body, like a water bubble,
Decays and dies so very quickly;
After death come results of karma,
Just like a shadow of a boby.

With this firm knowledge and remeberance
Bless me to be extreemly cautious,
Always avoiding harmful action
And gathering abundant virtue.

Rajan says one of the main themes in Thuja is connection vs. disconnection. It's in the dream, in fact it runs through all the voices. Thuja's heart is dying. Thuja connects dynamically with her lighter and even more narcissistic friend, Palladium (Silver Series, Stg 10). The connection is at the point where Palladium, like Thuja, demands recognition for her creative intelligence. Praise and appearance are big issues for both these Ladies. Their chat revolves around feeling unappreciated.

There is cold-heartedness and death in Thuja - I suspect the "heart" of Thuja lies is Stages 13-15.

Famous Thuja ... The Songs of Leonard Cohen*

"The gates of love they budged an inch,
I can't say much has happened since,
But Closing Time."

*Thuja is close to Medorrhinum.